


Regrets

by Sashaya



Series: All the single ladies (grab your gal-pals) [12]
Category: Tomb Raider (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friendship/Love, Hurt No Comfort, Love, Regret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-07 14:24:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12843066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashaya/pseuds/Sashaya
Summary: Lara replaces her soft wish (I should kiss her) with a heartbroken regret (I will not lose her).





	1. Graduation

**Author's Note:**

> _**Dislcaimer:**_ _I don't own any of the characters._
> 
>  **Warning** : Un-beta'ed work. As of now, I don't plan on having a happy ending for this story. You've been warned. 
> 
> If I made a mistake, you cannot live without telling me about, pop in at [SharkTofu](https://sharktofu.tumblr.com).

She should kiss her right here, right now. She should gently grasp her head, cradle her soft cheeks in her rough palms, with skin marred with small scars, and place a kiss on her sweet lips, a kiss that’s been a long time in the making. A kiss that was born years ago, so long ago that she can barely remember when. She should’ve pressed her soft lips to Sam’s silk ones right after their first month as roommates, when Sam woke her up in the middle of the night and hummed her a lullaby, because Lara dreamt of her father’s death again. That was the moment Lara knew she would fight for this girl, for this strange girl dressed in a soft t-shirt and neon shorts, a kind stranger, who didn’t use Lara’s weakness against her. She should kiss her on the steps of their alma mater, on the day of their graduation, when they are starting a bigger and scarier adventure. She should kiss her, while they are both dressed in unflattering, shapeless black robes, with these ridiculous hats on their heads and even more absurd furry, white faux-scarves draped over their shoulders. 

They are dressed up in skins that aren’t theirs. No, their skins are more colorful, made of misadventures and laugher, and infinite freedom. They are dressed up to show that they fit, that this society is a place for them. They both know it’s not. They can’t – they won’t – fit in, they will fight the expectations placed on their shoulders, they will crave something bigger and something brighter. 

They look bizarre, out of their skins. A perfect pair of strangers, looking almost like them. They look happy, though. Oh, so happy. 

Sam’s mirth cannot be covered, overshadowed by anything, but it allows cracks in her demeanor. Through her boundless joy everyone can see the bright professionalism, the _I’m More Than You Think_ truth. She has this air around her, this aura telling everyone that she would fit perfectly with a board of directors more than mere students. Even in the mist of the stupidest prank – covered in pink paint and rainbow glitter, with stray feathers in her raven-black hair – she looks dignified. Her smile is blinding, easily outshines the sun and every star on the blue sky. Her dark-like-sweet-coffee eyes are clouded, a little bit misty, like she will start crying any moment. The truth is she’s staring far, far away, her mind is already taking her to the beautiful future, already thinking of all the Big Things they will do, they will discover. She makes a plan after plan, adventure after adventure, barely minutes after she finishes a big part of her life. She doesn’t stop to wonder, to panic. She has no time for that.

People say that Lara is a firecracker, that she has _wanderlust_ in her veins and an unfortunate need to be seven steps before everyone else. They haven’t met Sam, not really. Sam is the brain of their mismatched pair, the strategist and planner with a nose for trouble, that she always have to check out for herself. It shows, it’s so easy to spot, when you _look_ at her and _see_. It shows in her calculated gaze, silent observation.

Lara can follow her to the end of the days. To the end of the world, if she has to. 

Lara’s the aristocrat between them, almost a lady of the Croft house. She’s been taught manners and how to look regal without trying. She’s learnt all that and still, she cannot look as noble as Sam, beautiful Sam. 

Her caramel-colored eyes sparkle brilliantly with a sure promise of mischief, and her spent-too-long-in-books-pale face is adorned with a soft smile – a challenge to the world, the universe to dare and try them. A keen eye can spot tense lines around Lara’s mouth, skillfully concealed shadows under her eyes are only visible, if someone steps way too close. Her head is filled with worrying thoughts, persistent questions of _what-ifs_ and _what-nows_ , and no answers for any of them. 

One relentless voice keeps banging on the walls of her genius mind. 

_I should kiss her_.

She wants to listen to it, obey the insistent suggestion. 

Lara tilts her head to left, takes in Sam’s happiness and goddess-like profile. An Ancient Greek sculptor would beg Sam to be his muse, his model, with her thin upper lip and slightly turned up nose. Lara takes it all in, bathes in Sam’s warmth and barely resists the urge to close the distance between them. She barely resists the need to pull Sam close, tastes her shiny peach lipstick, check for herself if her lips are as soft as they look like. 

Lara takes her eyes off Sam with difficulty, like she’s the beacon Lara is reaching for. She faces the camera, straight and sharp, tightens her fist around her diploma until she can feel the sharpness of her nails on her skin. She smiles with every hope she has, every happy moment she shared with Sam. 

She squashes the insistent thought – _I should kiss her_ – and replaces it with a heartbroken, bitter mantra:

 _I will not lose her_.


	2. Endurance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ** _Disclaimer:_** _I don't own any of the characters._
> 
>  **Warning:** Un-beta'ed work. 
> 
> If I made a mistake, that you just cannot leave alone without telling me about it, pop in at [SharkTofu](http://sharktofu.tumblr.com).

Lara feels a bit like a cat, lazy and cozy on the deck, stretching in the warm sunlight and watching through half-opened eyes the crew around her. The salty breeze is both refreshing and wonderfully sleep-inducing. Just like vacation, a trip to nowhere – again, because there’s been so many of them, probably even more planned in the future – a perfect escape from everything the world demands, everything that Lara’s world is demanding of her ( _Stop chasing the myths like your father, Lara! It’s time to be an adult, a proper Lady Croft, an icon of the family!_ ). She shivers, shakes off the memory of dear Uncle Atlas’ voice. She stares in the sun, hoping, believing that it will bleach out the bitter notes in her mind. 

A shadow dressed in blue-jeans shorts and simple brown shirt blocks the horizon, and Lara’s thoughts immediately changes, immediately become soft and warm, and loving. Her mind and her eyes are filled with a joyful, brilliant smile, and her heart sings. 

“What are you thinking about?” Sam asks, cheerful and curious, _perfect_ , with her camera glued to her face, the lens directed at Lara’s tanned face. 

_You_ , Lara wants to say. She always is, always dreams of having courage and claiming Sam, promising Sam of all her days and more. She always thinks about making Sam the next Lady of the Croft house, and the thought of filling her childhood home with Sam’s laugher and warmth makes her heart swell, almost burst with happiness. 

_You_ , she doesn’t say. 

“What if I’m wrong?”

Sam crouches before her, the camera turned off and forgotten, loosely held in her petite hand, while Sam scans Lara’s face with her sweet-coffee-colored, soft eyes. She smiles – kind and sweet – and reaches towards Lara. She’s gentle, when she raises Lara’s chin, and Lara can’t fight the expression, mirrors Sam’s smile with ease and certainty. 

“You’re not,” Sam says and lets go of Lara’s chin. She almost follows her hand, almost latches onto it, like it’s the only hope left for Lara. Instead she forces herself to relax, to lean back and pretend she doesn’t want to gather Sam in her arms and never let go. “You’re a genius, Lara. You know this better than anyone else. I trust you and I believe in you.”

Lara doesn’t choke on tears, doesn’t look away to hide her insecurities. Sam’s eyes are soft and they look right through her, right into her soul and beyond. Even if she wanted, she cannot look away, cannot tear her eyes off Sam. 

She never could.

“You have too much hope in me,” Lara says after seconds of silently gathering her words, stopping herself from surging forward and tasting Sam’s lips, checking if they’re as parched as Lara’s. 

Sam’s smile turns a bit sad, turns a bit heartbroken, bitter. 

“No, kitten,” she shakes her head, her short midnight-black hair shining freely in the sun. “I believe in you enough, but you… you need to stop selling yourself short. You’re perfect the way you are, don’t make yourself less.”

 _I’m not_ , Lara doesn’t say. _You’re just being too kind, too sweet, too loving. I’m a black sheep, but I will be damned if I’ll sully your name with my strange theories_.

“It’s going to work out,” Lara forces a smile, easy and delicate, pretending to not be a fake. Almost perfect. _It has to. For you._ “I’m right. Even if Whitman doesn’t believe me.”

“That’s my Lara!” Sam shines with happiness, radiates confidence and joy, and it’s so easy to feel it too, to be as optimistic as this wonderful, wonderful girl is. 

_Yours_ , Lara thinks, not taking her eyes off Sam. _Yours and yours only. Forever if you let me._

_I love you,_ Lara thinks, breathes in this thought, almost says it out loud like a prayer. 

“I-…” she chokes the letters back, pushes them behind bars of _I can’t_ , and pretends everything is fine, perfect. “Thank you. You’re the best cheerleader a girl could want.”

“Everything for you, kitten,” Sam winks and leans down. She presses a short, quick, butterfly-like kiss on Lara’s cheek and disappears, leaving an echo of laughter behind her and a shell-shocked young woman, unable to move. Unable to hope. 

_I should follow her_ , Lara thinks and almost jumps to her feet, grabbing the railing and clumsily hoisting herself up. _I should tell her, I should kiss her, I should-…_

Lara stops, quiet and heartbroken. Sam is a beacon of light on the horizon, and she’s leaving soft kisses on Alex’s cheek, while the man splutters in surprise. She steals a kiss on her own from Jonah, who laughs and presses a loving kiss on her forehead. 

_Oh_ , Lara thinks. _Oh._

_But I love you._

She turns quickly, quietly, fast and faster, and leaves before she’s spotted, before her pain can be visible for everyone, before her secrets aren’t only hers anymore. She doesn’t run, just walks, quickly and quicker, until she put half the boat’s length between her and her heartbreak. 

Lara leans on the railing, braces herself like there’s not much to stop her from jumping, but really she just wants to root herself in the moment of Sam’s lips touching her skin. That will be enough. 

_I love her_ , Lara thinks. She’s my precious treasure, my star, my life.

_I shouldn’t tell her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I made a mistake, that you just cannot leave alone without telling me about it, pop in at [SharkTofu](http://sharktofu.tumblr.com).

**Author's Note:**

> Please review on your way out! 
> 
> If I made a mistake, you cannot live without telling me about, pop in at [SharkTofu](https://sharktofu.tumblr.com).


End file.
